


Infinite lament

by Wolfspirit29



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Depression, Self-Hatred, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27102526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfspirit29/pseuds/Wolfspirit29
Summary: Rick feels like he has lost control.But there has always been one thing he is in control of.When, and how he is going to die
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	Infinite lament

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FF  
> .  
> Set right after the season 4 finale  
> Spoilers ahead  
> .  
> Trigger warnings are here. Please don't read this if you are upset by  
> .  
> Suicide  
> Self-loathing  
> Depression  
> .  
> I really don't want to send somebody into a downward mood spiral.  
> .  
> Read at your own risk

Rick is losing control. God, how many times had he lost control? He knows the answer. He lost control of everything an infinite amount of times, in infinite realities. That's how it's always been. And he knew it.

But fuck if it didn't hurt anyway. Fuck this, fuck the multiverse, fuck his feelings, and fuck his family.

A long, drawn out sigh escaped him, and he roughly ran his finger through his hair. This was bullshit. Why was he feeling guilty? He was Rick Sanchez. An infinite god that could destroy worlds if he wanted to.

But here he was.

When had he become so emotional?

Was it when Morty came out of that bathroom? There were bruises, he was pale, and shaky. And then that jelly bean monster came out after him. He knew then that he was going to kill him.

What about the one sixty fourth of his memory that said he had jumped down into a void of nothing to save him? Obviously, he didn't really sacrifice himself. He wouldn't be here otherwise. But that small part of his memory? That said he had jumped without hesitation.

And what about Unity? What everyone called 'love' was just a chemical. A chemical that compels animals to breed, to further extend their species existence. But of course, she had left him. And it hurt.

Seeing Birdperson like this? After seeing him get shot dead, and then revived as a federation robot slave? Knowing that it was his fault. He should have been smarter. He should not have let his guard down. After years of traveling the infinite multiverse, he felt like he should have known that.

Fuck, everyone always left him. Not that he could blame them. He really was a piece of shit.

Now even Beth left. She had clung to him. Constantly looked for his approval. But now?

Fuck.

Even Morty has been leaving him. The same little idiot that would follow him like a stupid puppy.

Jerry, of all people, did something useful this time. And everybody ditched Rick. Threw him to the side.

So, he really was losing control. Everything was falling apart. He was losing some part of him. A part of him that really shouldn't be going anywhere. He shouldn't be caring, and emotional. That ended badly, no matter what.

How could he regain control?

After a few silent moments, he got up from the chair. Any guilt or sadness was replaced with blind anger. "God damn it! What the fuck?! I don't have time for this!"

Rick kicked the chair over, before sighing tiredly.

He HAD to regain control.

But how?

As he looked around the garage, looking for anything at all. When he found nothing useful, he pulled his lab coat off, shaking it roughly. The pockets emptied, many different things clattering to the ground.

His eyes scanned the remnants of his pockets, and he immediately noticed his gun, and flask.

That would work. This was in his control. He was Rick Sanchez. He died when he said so.

With a huff, he took the flask, and drank it quickly, swallowing it's contents. It was some really good alien alcohol. It hit hard, and fast. Perfect.

The tone of his voice came out as angry, and irritated. "UUUUuuuurp G-garage! Family therapy mode!"

When everything activated, Rick sighed and turned the wall around. Birdeperson-not Phoenixperson, fucking dumb federation name, hung there still deactivated.

He even lost somebody he called his best friend. So what was left? Eh, it's not like it mattered. Infinite realities, and universes, and timelines, and dimensions. Plus, this version of his family could handle themselves perfectly well without him.

They had already shown that multiple times.

With another belch, he picked up his gun. He set it to max power, to ensure that even his cybernetics couldn't save him.

Another tired sigh escaped him as he pressed the barrel to his head. Finally, he'd go back to feeling nothing. Let some other Rick come here, and take his place. He knew that it would probably happen. Rick had jumped from many dimensions before. So another Rick coming from a different alternate dimension?That would probably fix everything.

The sound of the gun charging filled his ears. It's bright light burned brighter as it charged it's bolt. This would be the end of all this bullshit. He was finally in control.

As the shot fired, the garage opened back up. There was no need to stay in 'family therapy mode' with Rick gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I take suicide/self harm/depression very seriously
> 
> If you ever contemplate suicide/ self harm please reach out, even if it is just to one person.
> 
> And if you feel like you can't there are numbers to call so people can help.


End file.
